Chains and Whips Excite Me: BDSM 101
DISCLAIMER:
If you choose to engage in BDSM, you do so at your own risk. Project NEON shall not be held liable in any way for any injury incurred while engaging in BDSM.
Dear Dr. Dick,
I'm what you might call a more traditional & chivalrous lover--I just adore romancing a gorgeous man. But, I'm ready to dive into something a little kinkier. What can you tell me about BDSM? Can I indulge in BDSM and still be a gentleman? Where do I start, and how do I figure out what I like?
Sincerely,
Lover in Ballard
Dear Lover,
You can and absolutely should be a gentleman while engaging in BDSM. You'll be thrilled to hear that BDSM is all about trust and respect (and it might be a welcome addition to the sex life of someone chivalrous like yourself).
First things first, the basic BDSM terms.
B/D, Bondage/Discipline
D/S, Dominance/Submission: The consensual use of power for pleasure.
S/M, Sadism/Masochism: The consensual use of extreme sensation for pleasure.
new sensations
BDSM is a way to explore body sensations through many different types of play. Some people like BDSM because they get a rush of endorphins. Endorphins are chemicals that are released from stress, fear, or pain, and they can trigger a positive feeling in the body that some people describe as "euphoric". Ever had the "runners high?"
WHAT BDSM IS NOT
BDSM is NOT about abuse. Just because you're a top or a master doesn't mean you can be an ass-wipe. No matter what role you take on, BDSM requires you to listen and respect one another. Don't be an abuser.
It's also important to mention that BDSM does not have to be sexual. Some folks have a purely non-sexual BDSM relationship---which can take many forms (more info to come). There is something for everyone.
KEEP A CLEAR HEAD
Having a clear head (no pun intended) is important. It is strongly advised that you do not play if you're high, tweaked out, or using other substances. Just as crystal can lead to less-safe, marathon sex sessions, it can potentially cause harm when engaging in BDSM. Here's why:
ÿ You could play past your limits (playing or having sex for hours which could cause tissue damage, like skin tears in the lining of your hole).
ÿ You may not practice safe sex (you might be so horny that you'll jump on a guy without using condoms and lube).
ÿ You could be more likely to hurt yourself or your partner (trying something new like bondage---making you more likely to put yourself in danger).
ÿ You may not remember or recognize safe words if you're tweaked out (leading to potential harm, or not respecting your partner).
During negotiation (more info to come, in Part 2 of this article), a lot of people agree not to play after or while using substances. Substances like crystal cause mental and physical changes that might make a scene unsafe and un-enjoyable (and also defeat the purpose of BDSM). You wouldn't make an important decision after waking up from anesthesia right?? You should be fully present and mindful with BDSM.
Stay tuned for Part 2 next week,
-Dr. Dick
