Great (s)Expectations - Dr. Dick

Great (s)Expectations

Dear Dr. Dick,

I'm newly out and am dying to go to a sex club. Only thing is, I'm not sure what to do when I'm there. Dr. Dick, I just want to get fucked. Can you help a guy out?

Tired Of being Patient


Dear TOP (NOT),

You're not alone. Some consider bathhouse sex to be a whole different ballgame. Just like with anything else, enter carefully and go in easy. Here are some basic tips guys should remember:

JUST PUT ON A CONDOM:

A lot of guys tell me when they go to a sex club, they assume everyone has a sex bug. We know that people don't always tell the truth, and we know that some people don't know their HIV and STI (sexually transmitted infection) statuses. You might feel weird thinking every guy has an STI, but it takes the guesswork out of using condoms. Chlamydia, gonorrhea, syphilis, herpes, and other STIs are easily spread through oral and anal sex. You don't have to fuck with a guy if he won't use a condom. Remember, you're in control. It's your body.

  • Use a condom for every sex act. Condoms can wear out before you do, especially if crystal is in the mix. Put on a new condom if the condom dries out, when you switch positions, or if something just doesn't feel right. Pull out hard so that you don't spill fluids.
  • Take charge. Ever heard of insertive condoms? (also called "FC2 Female Condoms"). These are condoms that are put into the anus.  A lot of guys like them because they aren't constricting on the dick. Think of them as Magnums for your ass. For more info: Too Big To Fit In Here.
  • Use lots of lube. Lube keeps things slippery and can prevent tearing the skin in and around your hole. Water and silicone-based lubes are safe to use with condoms--but stay away from oil-based lubes or household products like cooking oil or Vaseline. These can break down condoms.

HYDRATE YOURSELF:

Saunas and steam rooms can be dangerous if you stay in them too long. Limit your visit to 20 minutes. Drink plenty of water or Gatorade before and after the sauna, and avoid alcohol.

Keep your drink in sight and don't set it down. Roofies (date rape drugs) are easy to slip into the drink of an unsuspecting cutie.

BE ALERT & AWARE:

People can be sneaky when they want something from you--whether it's money, sex, or your stuff. Don't be too friendly or trusting. Be polite, but don't be a Naive Nancy.

DON'T HAVE EXPECTATIONS:

Just because you show up doesn't mean you'll find somebody to hook up with. This can be frustrating, especially when you're horny as hell. Keep things in perspective. Have a plan B. Be good to yourself, and practice self-care. Maybe your first time will just be an opportunity to enjoy the sauna.

WHEN YOU GET THERE:

  • Get to know the space, including the exits. 
  • Don't bring in firearms or drugs. You will get searched at the door.
  • Lock your stuff up in a locker, and don't bring valuables. If you get a room, lock your door anytime you leave.
  • Take a shower so you're squeaky clean. While the occasional guy gets off on dirty, most won't appreciate it.
  • It's ok to ask for a new room. For example, if you get in your room and discover your friend or boss is in the room next door, you might want to switch.
  • Check out on time to avoid late fees.
  • If a guy harasses you physically or verbally, report it to the manager or front desk staff. Everyone has the right to enjoy a safe time.

BE A SMART SEXUAL BEING:

  • Get vaccinated for Hepatitis A & B.
  • Get vaccinated for HPV if you're under 26. 
  • Give a fuck, get tested. Get tested for HIV, and STIs (sexually transmitted infections) every 2-3 months, or as recommended by your doctor. Some clubs even offer free testing on certain nights.
  • Educate yourself on common STIs.

*A note on douching:

Many sex clubs have douching rooms, and sell douching hoses for you to use in these rooms. I don't recommend douching (also known as using an enema) for several reasons. Check out my article Keep Your Frenemies Close and Your Enemas Closer.


Fuck safely and take care of yourself.

 

-Dr. Dick 

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