Carl's Story
I used to use condoms, but then I stopped. Didn't seem like anyone else cared, so why should I? You know how twacked guys get. They don't care who they fuck or how. I tweaked and partied for years without a condom in sight. But you can only do that for so long until the inevitable hits. HIV caught up with me last year.
But even if I told guys I was HIV+, a lot of them still didn't care about using a condom. That just blows my mind! But I guess I felt the same way last year, so it's not that hard to imagine. Crystal makes it easy not to care. Half the guys I fucked never asked my name let alone if I had HIV. And what's worse -- I still fucked them without a condom.
But now this whole "not-caring" thing doesn't feel right to me anymore. You're just a dick to most guys. And I'm no better for barebacking even though I have HIV. Maybe I'm starting to care about myself a little more. Or feeling guilty. I should probably try harder to use condoms, even if other guys don't want to. I should probably tell more guys that I have HIV. But that seems pretty hard when no one else is doing it. Can I be the only one who feels like this? What if everyone else feels the same, but we're all too afraid or too high to act on it? What would happen if we did?
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